This morning I took the boys to the Science Museum. Also referred to as The Church With the T-Rex. I've said before I'm not social, and I detest 'playgroups.' I'd rather my kids' social skills be mightily compromised than EVER go to a playgroup. The mommmies drive me nuts.
So, needless to say, the boys and I went alone to the Science Museum this morning. Once there, I tried to stay away from the other mommies. They knew one another. I tried to not gag at the thought of being in the midst of a ... gasp! Playgroup. EW!
They looked too well accessorized to have young children that pull hair or jewelry. I don't trust that. Their mommy hair probably should have been a little wet and thrown into a ponytail - as was mine - and yet, no. They looked like Mommy Fashion Perfection, and this was at 10 a.m.
I disliked them instantly.
Aren't I kind?
But they were nice. Specifically, they were nice to me, and nice to my children, even though I tried to ward them off with my aloofness and 'dear GOD don't let them talk to me' prayers. I was doing okay until a latecomer to their group came over. We recognized one another, having been acquainted through a mutual friend years before.
She was so nice. I didn't want her to be nice. I didn't want her friends to be nice, and I didn't want to sit and talk to other mommies with Perfect Hair at 10 a.m., and then LIKE THEM. I did NOT want to do that. Not today, not any day, NO. THANK. YOU.
A group of them huddled too close for my comfort and discussed something. There was paperwork. And I got a little excited. A ha! They're really Mary Kay ladies, and that's what this is about. It's not a Playgroup after all! And everyone knows that Mary Kay ladies are always super nice, and that would explain it. (As a former, awful-at-it, mary kay lady i will tell you this: partly they're nice because they're nice. partly it's because they're sizing you up to join the ranks. beware.)
But I was wrong. I tried to scare them off by letting Caden-2yr's poo diaper linger in the air around us. They didn't care. They were utterly unaffected, and it was a rather strong one, even for him, I must say.
So when the poo didn't work, I told them I just took one of my kids to a residential treatment home in another state. HA! Now that's one I KNOW will get me judged and rejected from the Perfect Mommy Club! Except it didn't. One mom even had a similar experience, and poured support all over me while my mouth hung open. That was NOT supposed to happen. I was looking for some good old fashioned rejection, after all.
They work together in CHILDREN'S MINISTRY, and the paperwork had to do with that. Oh puh-lease. A playgroup of mommies with Perfect Hair at 10 a.m., AND THEY MINISTER TO KIDS. Could this group possibly be any more perfect? I said they were NICE, right? And not because they wanted me to join a multi level thing? And not scared by seriously strong whiffs of poo, or my impossible family issues? Gah.
My 'I HATE PLAYGROUPS' resolve was weakening, and I found myself with a genuine crisis of belief. For years I've upheld the playgroup ban. FOR YEARS. I've been committed. Steadfast. Dependable in my disdain.
And here comes a bunch of too-nice ladies chatting me up with no ulterior motive except...?
Except to invite me to come next week. Same time. Same place. (Same Hair, I assume.)
I knew it was a critical moment. One mommy stood by the tank where the hermit crabs lived, and looked at me with hopeful eyes. (Yes, thank you very much, she DID stand near the HERMIT crabs, ha ha ha, that was not my subtle literary detail - that was all God's. Ha Ha, God. Too funny.) Another mom held on her hip a little girl with big blue eyes and the mom said, "Well...?"
I wondered why they cared. I don't have the Perfect Hair, and I don't believe in accessories. And they have enough estrogen in their group already without adding anymore. What's the point? I just don't GET women.
But then I thought of y'all. How I collect new mommy blogs in my bloglines compulsively. I try to keep up with 282 mommy blogs. Maybe I'm the one who just doesn't need to go looking to add any more to her 'social group!'
Y'all are my community, like the Perfect Hair Playgroup Members are for each other. I understood them a little more, thanks to you guys. I agreed to be there next Monday. I might even look forward to it. A little.
I did not, however, agree to the unspoken hair requirements. I have to maintain some boundaries, yaknow.
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Your Comments
First, I so have those kind of days you've just described! The days where you don't want to be friendly to a single living soul, and yet, those are always the days when God puts me on the heart of a friend and that friend's pushing totally lifts me up.
That "perfect little mommy group" may just be a group of women God's put in your path, to give you some inperson friendships. :)
Isn't it ironic that those who don't go looking for new friendships find them and those that long for them have trouble finding them?
Our online buddies are wonderful, and I can attest to the fact that we, "Can't live without them!"
You are so funny and so honest.
I love it.
It's a momentous occasion at our house tonight. Andy is off playing Risk with the guys. Which means I'm not at my ballet class. But that's okay. Ballet class comes around every week. A social get-together that Andy WANTS to participate in? That happens, oh, once every 2-3 years.
Amazing.
This is a great post. Isn't it wonderful how God takes care of you in ways you least expect?
I don't get the perfect hair thing either. I am spending every morning at a public pool. I sit with the same parents each day as we watch our 2 yr-olds scream at the swim teachers. But I swear those other moms have the most perfect hair. I don't get it. We're at the pool! I wear my hair up in a ponytail, with a huge 'ol sun hat covering me to the edges of my sunglasses.
282 blogs? Wow. I thought the 124 I try to keep up with was daunting.
Feeling a little less-than here: I think I read 28 blogs.
But you want to hear something really funny? I CRASH play groups! I've never been invited to one, and now my kids are too old, so I just go to have someone to talk to. LOL (Ours has a variety of hair. Mine's gray, but I sometimes pretend it's platinum.)
But I am finding myself less motivated as my Bloglines grows.
Hey! Did THAT HOT PLACE freeze over and noone told me?! Because it almost had to've if Kelsey agreed to meet a group of women in a Social Setting and none of her kids is being held hostage as a bargaining chip! ;-)
I'm glad you're taking the opportunity to socialize a little more, Kelsey, and I hope you're feeling a little better, emotionally. :-)
Just wanted to add one little thought: Maybe the "Perfect Hair" thing is a sign of their own insecurities. Maybe they get up an hour before their kids evey morning, just so they can have time to do the hair and make-up and perfectly accessorized clothes, because they fear that if they aren't perfect they will be rejected by the other mommies. Maybe they need a Kelsey to show them how absurd that is and that they also can be accepted, wet ponytail and all. Maybe not, but it can't hurt to give them the benefit of the doubt, can it? (I mean, a little projection never hurt anyone.)
I am SO proud of you for agreeing to meet next week. You know we're all going to be praying you'll go through with it!
You are so precious, Kelsey, and I for one wished we lived closer so we could meet for mommy time while our kids played. I don't wear makeup or do my hair at 10 am either . . . at least most days!
God is good. He is giving you friends, even when you're shooting up prayers against that very thing. May this be a surprise God wink in your life!
Yep. We're not supposed to be judgemental... My bugaboo was measuring moms with babies and toddlers by the shoes they wore. How could a good mama tend to little ones in shoes that weren't practical? Dress shoes to mother????? Forget the hair or the playgroups... if a mom didn't have the right comfortable, supportive shoes and look like she could get down on the ground to look kids in the eye or sit on the floor with a kid in her lap.... FORGET HER. And anything that had to be handwashed or drycleaned? A definite give-away for a signal to STAY AWAY.
Our own values seem to permeate how we look at the world. That we should be more open, less narrow, less prone to jump to conclusions...
Isn't that the message we are to be open to?
Motherhoode: lessons learned everyday. every minute.
Cheers.
There's Perfect Mommy hair???? Oh, nuts! I lived most of my 48 years with straight, undyed, parted in the middle and sometimes in a ponytail hair. Last month my cousin did my hair for my grandmother's funeral. As I'm completely uninterested in hair, I said, "do whatever." She gave me this cute bangs, feathered on the side thing that got me Ohhhs and Ahhhs from family. However, I see it creeping toward the parted in the middle thing and I KNOW ME and it'll be there soon.
I think this sounds like a super group of ladies. You'll be fabulous.
I personally love other time with mommy friends, especially when our kids get along. Then I get to chat with my friends, and the kids get to play....everybody's happy! Oh, and absolutely NO PERFECT hair is allowed. I usually throw mine back into an "aunt-jemima-bandana-thingy".
Good for you for going outside your comfort zone! I have a hard time with "new situations", and so I admire your courage!
You know something? God puts the RIGHT people, right where we need them, right WHEN we need them ... maybe He's trying to send you some real-time "we're normal and won't freak you out" friends who promise to "love you even though your hair isn't as perfect as ours" like all your blogging friends do?
You are venturing where no cheeriobutt has ever gone! *doo doo doo doo* (twilight zone music) I've had a few of those "Mommy groups" try to get me to go to their meetings but I swore them off because they basically all belong to the same church (which I have no prob with) but that same church seems to despise my church, which is not theirs. So I couldn't take anymore people being terribly friendly, only to back away in horror when they ask what church I go to. Ugh. Minds can be so small. So I will stay with the hermit crabs and live through you, and hope your adventure doesn't turn "Twilighty". If it does I will be down here pinching them for you with my big ol' pinchers! Or whatever they're called......
This is wonderful, Kelsey! You should invite them to come read your blog -- they'll love you even more once they get to know you this way. I love it when my local friends catch up with me on my blog -- in person, I can hardly finish a complete sentence. I'm too shallow, and I've always got a baby on my hip. How can you talk about deep things when you're worried whether they can smell that smell that you smell? :)
Awesome news!
I hear you about the mama-clubs. When I had my first I was all disdainful, too, like I could never possibly have anything in common with these MOMS. But of course we're all people, right? And sometimes you find nice ones that are supportive and understanding and maybe even share some of the same non-kid-related interests and you make a friend! Even if it is one with perfect hair.
Aaack! How did I miss this post? It must have been that day when Bloglines wigged out on me. Glad I found it by your link.
The whole playgroup thing has always been my biggest fear in the "if I were to have kids" world. You'd think I'd be afraid of dropping the baby or something, but nope. I'm sure if I had kids playgroups would be my biggest fear.
By the way, I know you read mostly mommy blogs. Thanks for reading mine even though it doesn't have the mommy aspect to it. It might sound crazy, but that actually means a lot.
Oh, and my bloglines? 36 And I only read about 4 or 5 daily. The rest get browsed now and then. Of course, you're one of the 4 or 5. :)
Don't ya know we all have Perfect Hair too? Mwahaha! (she laughs a half-crazed laugh, knowing her flat biking helmet hair would NEVER allow her into the perfect hair club, nor would her feeble attempt at perfect mothering)
I've worked full time throughout most of my kids' lives, so I have mixed feelings about the mommy club thing. Sometimes I'm insanely jealous of all the moms who get to hang out on a lovely summer afternoon, and sometimes I'm glad I don't have to live with that kind of pressure.