I'm standing in line at the grocery store the other night - which might sound lame, but it was a total thrill because I was alone. Alone! What's a lactating mother of four doing anywhere alone? Oh, it was glorious. Anyway, I was standing in line and there was this little Prevention magazine called Fit & Firm. I buy it, and guess what Denise Austin is promising me?

She says I can get back in shape in just 3 weeks. First of all, this incorrectly implies I was once in shape, and secondly, it does not appear to matter to Denise that I recently had a baby. And here's the kicker: just 10 minutes a day. Ha Ha Ha Ha, Denise.

Oh, Denise, you cannot see me, with my stretch-marked flabby tummy, and you obviously do not see the m&ms next to me. But whatever. I'll give it a shot and let you know how it goes, even though I don't believe her claims of rapid results for even a minute.

                                            ***

Today Ethan (the wonderfully weird 5 yr old)decided that we really needed to get our cat, Charlo, on The Planet's Funniest Animals. He's motivated by the $100 that accomplishment would bring, and all the way home from kindergarten I heard about this great new idea.

Ethan: "Mom, we need to put up cameras in all the corners of our living room so that if Charlo does something funny, we'll have it on tape."

Me: "Umm, no."

Ethan: "That's okay, he isn't ready yet anyway. He has to learn to be funny first."

Me, with puzzled look on face: "Whaaa.?"

Ethan: "He hasn't gone to training camp yet. All the animals go to training camp, learn to be funny, and then their owners send in tapes of them."

Yeah, of course. Why did I not know that? I love how his little mind works. Can't you just picture the Comedy Training Camp for animals? I see a classroom with all kinds of reptiles and cats, dogs, birds and bunnies and a penguin at the front practicing his delivery of a 'Why did the chicken cross the road' joke.

Anyway, I have some serious progress to make on Project Fit in the next ten minutes, so I better get busy.

Post a comment